Use My Room?
by moonlighting.gatita
Summary: A different ending to the scene from Clockwork Angel, page 464. Wessa.
1. Use My Room?

**AN(s):  
-the beginning italics are from the book, page 464 :)  
-I haven't posted here in a while, so be nice :)  
-and I love this book like soooo much! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"_Use my room?"she echoed. "Use it for what?"  
Will's mouth quirked up at the corner; Tessa, who had been thinking about how beautifully shaped his lips were, took a moment to realize with a sense of distant surprise that the smile was a very cold one. "You cannot pretend you don't know… You are not entirely ignorant of the world, I think, Tessa. Not with that brother of yours."  
"Will."The warmth was going out of Tessa like the sea drawing back from the land; she felt cold, despite the summer air. "I am not like my brother."  
"You care for me," Will said. His voice was cool and sure. "And you know that I admire you, the way that all women know when a man admires them. Now you have come to tell me you will be here, available to me, for as long as I might wish it. I am offering you what I thought you wanted."  
"You cannot mean that."  
"And you cannot have imagine I meant anything more," Will said. "There is no future for a Shadowhunter who dallies with warlocks. One might befriend them, employ them, but not…"_

"_Marry them?"Tessa said. There was a clear picture in her head of the sea. It had drawn back entirely from the shore, and she could see the small creatures it had left gasping in its wake, flapping and dying on the bare sand.  
*****_

In his dark state of mind, Will noticed the frown spreading across Tessa's face; but he didn't care, did he? She is just a warlock caught up in the drama of Shadowhunters, and his only involvement with her is keeping her safe. "How forward," he smirked. "What did you really expect, Tessa?"

Tessa's mind reeled at the thought of him using her for his own desires; she had thought they were friends! How could he be so treacherous, so insulting… But after all, he is Will. And Will has always been known to do things selfishly, not caring about anyone else. Why can't he treat her with even a small semblance of respect? What has she done to deserve this disgusting proposal from him?

His gaze was steady. "If you are not interested in my offer…"  
"Stop," she said. "Jem says you lie to make yourself look bad. And perhaps that is true, or perhaps he simply wishes to believe that about you. But there is no reason or excuse for cruelty like this."

For a moment he felt truly disappointed in himself. Even Jem tries to create a decent thought of him when there is none. Will knows himself to be immoral and secretive. He knows that he's dark and tortured. He knows that it's easier for him to lie than face the truth. He knows all these things… And when Tessa turned with all the dignity he didn't take from her and left without another word, he knows that his heart broke. He just wished he knew why.

Tessa was in her room pouring her soul over the _Codex. _She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that Will wants to use her as a whore! How humiliating! In the quiet of her room she could hear her own sobs echo against the walls. _Why does he make me so sad?_ He always found a way to annoy her, or to hurt her feelings. Always found a way to make her day just a little bit less than happy. But how is it, that the one person that causes her so much pain, can make her feel the way she did in the attic so many nights ago? She can still remember the way it felt to have his arms around her…the feel of his chest against her. She remembers running her fingers through his silky black hair, and brushing her lips on his… Oh, the fire that coursed through her veins was all-consuming. "Ugh," she grumbled. "Why is he so infuriating…"

In her state of disarray, she heard a knock on the door. Quickly she fixed her mussed hair and wiped the tear-stains from her face. She glimpsed an image of herself in the mirror and cringed. But after such a long and emotional day, she didn't really care who was on the other side of the door and if they didn't like her state of dress. Slowly, she made her way to the door, and holding her breath, opened it.  
With a flash of movement, she was pushed back into her room and her door was slammed shut. The figure gracefully turned her around and pushed her back against the wall. Within another moment, her mind registered who it was. Will. Red flags instantly went up in her mind.  
"Wi-" but her words were cut short with his lips crashing on hers. He wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her as close to him as possible. He was shaking, and she could imagine that he had been nervous before this. She wanted to scream at him, but with his mesmerizing mouth on hers, all she could do was kiss him back with her fury. Her hands found their way around his neck, combing the strands from his face. She was starting to lose her breath, so she pulled back.

Breathing hard, she said, "Will?" His eyes opened and she started. They were so dark and intoxicating. Like the waves of the ocean calling you out to its depths.

He gazed at her for a long moment, catching his breath, and lifted his hand to her face. That sweet face that never caused him any harm. "Oh, Tessa…" He saw how her eyes brightened at the way he said her name. He smiled sadly. "What am I going to do with you…"

She wanted to say that he could kiss her forever, but isn't that what they were fighting about earlier? Why does he have to make this so confusing! Without second-guessing herself, she said, "This," and kissed him hard. He gasped in surprise but answered graciously. She smiled sweetly against his lips, wishing that they could do this without making it seem like a job or a way of life.

She wished they could be together in all ways, not just behind closed doors. But Will is so…so…Will. And it's complicated. And different. And challenging.

But she's never been one for easy, has she?

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	2. In My Veins

**A/N:  
-The second chapter to Use My Room.  
**-**I don't own any of these beautiful characters, those belong to Clare :)**

**-This story is dedicated to the song "IN MY VEINS" by Andrew Belle. I recommend listening to it while reading this :)**

She lies awake in her bed that night, wondering how they got from a fight about that unforgiving offer to finally kissing those lips again… Even in the dimness of her room earlier she could see every contour of his face, every beautiful emotion. The feelings that spread inside of her heart were like the wings of an angel opening for the first time. Painful. New. Amazing. His lips molded against hers perfectly, his hands so gentle on her body, even the slight touch of his eyelashes on her cheek… She's so lost in him it's hard to find her way back to reality. Why does he make it so difficult for them? He shouldn't have asked her to be his personal whore. Is that all he sees her as? Someone to use and throw away? A sigh escapes her lips as she leans even further into her bed. _I wish he was here… _Her hand rests on her arm where he had grabbed her and pushed her against the wall. The black and blue creates an unnerving feeling of need in her. She wants him. Badly. His manners are beyond irrelevant to her in this moment. His lies are buried deep in the back of her mind. All that fills her being, her heart, her veins is his smile, his laugh, his silky black hair, his skin, his lips…him. _Where is he?_

* * *

He stands pacing his room that night, remember how he was so cruel and rude to her. _What in God's name was I thinking? _He wishes he could take back that moment of pure selfishness, that moment he let her slip out of his hands yet again. When she had ran, he felt so cold and distant to anything good and worth living for. His very heart seemed to have been ripped out of him. He wanted to collapse into the pile of worthlessness he saw himself as. The oh-so-silent walk back to his room had formed the thought of going to her room to apologize. He needed to apologize. Had to. But once outside her door, he was at a loss for words. What could he possibly say to the beautiful girl on the other side of the door? With only his nervous breaths filling the silence, he heard a sob. _She's crying. I made her cry. God, forgive me… _That was when a rage stole his soul, and he pounded on the door separating them. In the briefest moment of seeing her tear-stricken face did he completely lose all coherent thought. All that filled him, all that consumed him, all that coursed through his veins…was her.  
Now he's pacing his room, hours after that intoxicating embrace, asking himself the most obvious question. _Why isn't she here with me now?_

* * *

She's wandering the hall next to the library when she hears a crash. She jumps. What was that? Slowly she peers into the library when she sees a silhouette leaning against the piano. As if they were just waiting to pounce, her emotions envelope her much like the figure staring at her now. Will. Oh sweet Will… He must've been playing piano, and she knows it must've been beautiful. He stalks towards her like a lion approaching its prey. Her deer-in-the-headlights look wasn't helping either.

"Will," she whispers, need causing her voice to shake.

"Tessa." Her name on his lips is the sweetest taste; _she_ is the sweetest taste.

Yet, as he got closer, she noticed something. It wasn't that his face was the perfect reflection of hers, or the way his hands were shaking, or even the way his hair was ruffled from stress. It was his eyes. They weren't the kind of dark she saw when he kissed her. Not even the dark when he was angry. But something else… Something akin to sadness.

And as if in reply to her questioning look, he said, "There's something I need to tell you."

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_**"In My Veins"**_

_Nothing goes as planned_  
_Everything will break_  
_People say goodbye_  
_In their own special way_  
_All that you rely on_  
_And all that you can fake_  
_Will leave you in the morning_  
_But find you in the day_

_Oh, you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_  
_Oh, you're all I taste_  
_At night inside of my mouth_  
_Oh, you run away_  
_'Cause I am not what you found_  
_Oh, you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_

_Everything will change_  
_Nothing stays the same_  
_Nobody here's perfect_  
_Oh, but everyone's to blame_  
_Oh, all that you rely on_  
_And all that you can save_  
_Will leave you in the morning_  
_And find you in the day_

_Oh, you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_  
_Oh, you're all I taste_  
_At night inside of my mouth_  
_Oh, you run away_  
_'Cause I am not what you found_  
_Oh, you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_

_(No, I cannot get you out)_  
_(No, I cannot get you)_  
_(Oh no, I cannot get you out)_  
_(No, I cannot get you)_

_Everything is dark_  
_It's more than you can take_  
_But you catch a glimpse of sun light_  
_Shining, shining down on your face_  
_On your face_  
_(On your face)_

_Oh, you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_  
_Oh, you're all I taste_  
_At night inside of my mouth_  
_Oh, you run away_  
_'Cause I am not what you found_  
_Oh, you're in my veins_  
_And I cannot get you out_  
_(No)_

_No, I cannot get you out_  
_(Oh, you're in my veins)_  
_No, I cannot get you out_  
_Oh no, I cannot get you_

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	3. Author's Note! Please read!

**-Hey everyone! So I was originally planning to just keep on posting, but honestly, I would LOVE to hear comments on this!  
**  
**-I'm gonna keep on posting no matter what, because I feel like I have a lot to give to this story line I've created. But. Hearing your thoughts on this would be awesome :) please review and let me know! **

**-Oh and if you have any song suggestions, PM me :D**


	4. Oh the wonders of you

**A/N: thanks for the reviews guys! I love hearing feedback from everyone :) it helps me stay motivated!  
-I'm not sure how informed everyone is on the Infernal Devices world, but I just want to let you know that I'm only just starting the second book. So the timeline for this has nothing to do with the "real" timeline...  
-Oh and uh...I've started brainstorming for this...and, well...I think this will be way too much fun :D  
-Enjoy!**

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"_I need to tell you something."_

And as if her world could crash and burn anymore, she had a feeling that things were about to get much, much worse. His eyes met hers, pleading, but all she could do was look down and wait for the inevitable news. Why did the world have to be so unfair? Why did he have to be so perfectly heartbreaking? A realization came to her and she mentally gasped when she remembered a conversation she overheard a few days ago…

_Sounds echoed from the walls of the great library, and she curiously walked closer to the familiar voices. It was Will and Charlotte. They're probably just talking about what happened with Mortmain, she guessed. But Will, seemingly contradicting her thoughts, said to Charlotte, "I have to leave this place for a little while."_

_She could hear Charlotte gasp in shock. "What? Why?"_

_Tessa couldn't hear anything for a few moments, but then he spoke with finality. "Don't ask questions, dear Charlotte. I'll be back in a few weeks, maybe even in a month. If there are any problems while I'm away, let the Clave handle it. I'm not 'old enough' anyway. Try not to miss me," he spoke softly. Tessa's shaking hand covered her mouth, covering the sob threatening to spill from her lips. She knew he was leaving because of her; because of her refusal. What other reason could he possibly have? It seemed that Charlotte had no words either, and Tessa could hear his footsteps grow closer to the door, announcing his exit. So she hurried back the way she came down the hall and closed herself in one of the guest rooms, waiting for the young Nephilim to ghost away like he always did…_

Head held low in front of him now, she inhaled softly, meeting his gaze, waiting for him to speak. But it seemed as if more and more time passed with his silent stare back. _Just tell her_, his conscious told him. But he knew that once he told her his reason for leaving, she would think him a coward. For so many years he's lived only worrying about himself and his life. Not once did he have to worry about someone else. Even Jem could take care of himself (to an extent). But with Tessa here…he was at a total loss with what to do. She's given him more reason to wake up in the morning, to fight harder in the day, to looking forward to tomorrow. And now ever fiber of his being is screaming "_Protect her."_ But doesn't that mean he needs to protect her from himself? Isn't that what love is? Wait a second... He caught his breath with his unusual thought.  
Love.  
He loves her.  
He _loves_ her. _I love her...  
_Maybe she was about to think him completely insane, but he grinned. He full-out grinned. Even laughed. "Hahaha, oh my God…" He laughed harder, with the purest kind of joy. He couldn't stop laughing! He loves her! When was the last time he felt this happy? Oh the wonders of love…

She jerked her head up, glaring at him. What on earth was he laughing about? She's standing here waiting to hear him say goodbye and he's laughing. _Laughing!_ Probably at her, even. Goodness this boy infuriates her. "What in the world are you laughing about?" Her glare seemed to shoot daggers into his head. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to me?" She held her breath in fear of the embarrassed tears threating to spill.

He could only stare. Stare at how beautiful she is, even when she's mad; to watch her eye color change from dark to light, from sadness to anger to love to fury. He moved gracefully towards her, getting as close to her as he could. His hand softly touched her dark brown hair, tangling his fingers in it. He let his forehead rest against her, inhaling her sweet scent he could never forget. Their eyes were so close he could see even the smallest ripples of color in her irises. She seemed to relax, and all he could do was smile more.

She paused. This isn't how goodbyes usually go, her inner romantic thought. Maybe he wasn't saying goodbye? Her heart felt relieved at the thought. "Aren't you going to tell me what you're so happy about?" She whispered, her breath mixing with his. He lifted his other hand and traced her lips with his fingertips, matching every contour as if in reflection. So beautiful. If he could hold her like this for eternity, he would.

Her chocolate browns stared deep into his dark blues. Like a mantra, he repeated in his head, _I love you. I love you, I love you…_ He laughed, smiling at her questioning look. Oh, Tess. He can't leave now, can he?  
Tessa reached for his face, "Tell me, Will. What's on your mind?" And though she had thought her day was going to be only sad and dark and gloomy, he spoke three words that brought the understanding of why he's smiling like an idiot.

"I love you, Tess."

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**Hours earlier…**

When Will had gotten the information he had sent for, he sat down at his desk within the walls of his room. Slowly he spread a piece of paper with his hand, and grabbed a quill pen. His mood wasn't angry, it wasn't happy, it wasn't nice, and it sure wasn't polite. It was very, very cool and collected. Almost chilling. Yet for some reason, he could only start this letter the old-fashioned way- but he knew that once read, it would surely bring fear upon someone who needed a reality check. His only hope was that a certain woman in his life could find the capacity to forgive him.

_Dearest Elizabeth…_

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